UK D-Listers Veet-It to Dublin...

Little-did-we-know when WE invented ShowBiz in Ireland that our hand-crafted world would become a dumping ground for the hasbeen run-off from London's social scene. With Michelle 'Liberty X' Heaton, Bianca 'Gazza' Gascoigne and Nikki 'who is she' Graham now Dublin's elite celebs – we have to ask ourselves, where did it all go wrong?

Bianca Gascoigne, Michelle Heaton, Nikki Graham

Oh Dear, oh dear... What the hell has happened to Dublin town? Once the place of Saints, Scholars, Rockers & Rollers - we now roll-out the red carpet for any aul bit o' orange skinned Never-Was that crosses the Irish Sea trying to make a Euro... Kiss & Tellers, Glamour girls, Reality TV drop-outs, manufactured Pop Bands desperados... Sheesh. Has London's D-List become Dublin's new A-List?

Michelle Heaton, Nikki Graham

Ever since former Liberty X umpa lumpa Michelle Heaton somehow got the job as a judge on an RTE talent(less) show, the trend for UK bottom-of-the-barrel stars to relocate to Dublin has seriously increased. Sure why wouldn't they? No one wants to pay any more attention to them across the water... May-as-well sell their wares over here.

Michelle Heaton

Now a permanent fixture in VIP club, Krystle, Michelle's growing gang of 'Lads Mags' favourites seem to be doubling in Dublin on weekly basis... This week she had Gazza's step-daughter Bianca Gascoigne and Big Brother's annoying Nikki Graham with her on the club’s leather couches. Before they headed out, we spotted the bunch walking to their hotel in the city centre carrying armfuls of VEET hair removal cream. Ugh.

Michelle Heaton

Heaton and her gang of Englsih celebrity outcasts had just been judging Miss Spin 1038 at Tripod along with Keith Duffy... Eh, why would you want to have this lot judging the qualities for an entrant Miss Universe Ireland 2008? Come on! They’re hardly qualified to judge a pissing-up-against-a-wall competition. Sad.

Bianca Gascoigne, Michelle Heaton, Nikki Graham

We can just see their beauty criteria check-list... 1. Orange Fake-Bake applied liberally and then some. Check. 2. Fake French Nails at least 3 inches long. Check. 3. Hair Extenstions Glued on and roots showing. Check. 4. Tarty dress. Check. 5. Eight-Inch Platform stiletto high-heels. Check. 6. Severe lack of personality. Check. Check & Check.

Michelle Heaton

Oh well, with University graduates looking to become Beauty Queens rather than using their brains, lovely-girl-ism is surely on the rise... The Irish Coleen now has aspirations of becoming a center-fold on the pages of Nuts or Zoo magazine as opposed to a useful member of society - the 15 minutes of fame culture is at its zenith in Ireland... But as long as the Irish female allows herself to be JUDGED by the brands on her back rather than the brains in her head, each time she goes to the races or to a nightclub, this spiral towards the quagmire will continue. What would Maureen O'Hara or Grace Kelly say?