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03-10-00 news EXCLUSIVE
Strong on Commitments II script... has the first look at the script of the new Commitments movie which lead singer Andrew Strong HAS agreed to star in. Ten years after the original Alan Parker hit movie put film making in Ireland on the map, the sequel has arrived with most of the same cast. Part of the highly secret script has leaked out to an Irish press reporter which we can bring to you in a world wide web exclusive.

October 2000 Interior hospital ward. Outspan is sitting in by the bedside of his old friend Jimmy Rabbitte.

JIMMY (waking) Where am I?

OUTSPAN In hospital Jimmy. You've been in a coma for 10 years since that horse fell from the 22nd floor balcony and hit you on the head.

JIMMY I remember. Well, we can't waste any more time, Outspan. We'll round up our guys from the dole queues and re-form our soul band in a brave but doomed protest against the obscenity of unemployment.

OUTSPAN But, Jimmy there isn't any unemployment in Dublin anymore. Take Anto he's rushed of his feet working 18 hours a day.

JIMMY He can't be getting any work. He's a builder for Pete's sake. What about the three girl singers?

OUTSPAN Imelda heads a recruitment agency. Natalie sells expensive cars. Bernie's running a string of crèches.

JIMMY Well, they'll soon be back on the dole queues. There's feck-all demand for those services.

OUTSPAN Things have changed Jimmy. They are all doing well. Just like Bimbo and your da in the catering business.

JIMMY You mean that old chip van?

OUTSPAN No, they've opened a chain of trendy coffee-houses

JIMMY That's typical of those losers. No one will ever pay more than 50p for a cup of coffee in Dublin. What about Joey the lips Fagan?

OUTSPAN He got a job with Telecom Eireann

JIMMY Good old Joey. At least there's no worries about the future of that company. How's me sister and her baby the Snapper?

OUTSPAN He's not called the Snapper anymore. He's called the Hacker now, he's got a PC in his room and he crashed the Central Bank's entire computer system single handed

JIMMY Don't tell me Deco Cuffe got a job. What sort of a career could there be for an arrogant, aggressive, hot head who antagonises everyone?

OUTSPAN He went into politics and they made him Minister for Foreign Affairs

JIMMY Went into politics and they made him Minister for Foreign Affairs. (laughs) Next you'll be telling me they made Martin McGuinness the Minister for Education. Anyway, back to our soul band. Looks like it's just you and me.

OUTSPAN Sorry, Jimmy I'm not free.

JIMMY But, you said you weren't working

OUTSPAN I'm not working because I retired, I formed a company and sold it for 5 billion.

JIMMY What's a company?

OUTSPAN It's just like the old days being on the dole. You get paid for doing feck-all but thesedays they pay you in billions.

JIMMY Right, looks like I'll have to sing solo. I'll practice in one of those old derelict buildings in Temple Bar. It'll be nice and quiet down there.

OUTSPAN Jimmy…..

JIMMY And I'll apply for a job creation grant. I'll ask my local TD for advice. You can always rely on straight talking on financial matters from Charlie Haughey and Ray Burke

OUTSPAN What you should do is get yourself a good rock manager

JIMMY Nah, I know only one music manger and no point in going to him. He's never had any luck with anything.

OUTSPAN What's his name?

JIMMY Louis Walsh

OUTSPAN Jimmy you have to accept that some things have changed. The country has altered beyond recognition

JIMMY But, we are all dirt poor. Like I said in the last movie "Ireland is the black man of Europe"

OUTSPAN Only if you talking about Bill Cosby. Ireland has loads of money we are no longer in debt.

JIMMY You mean

OUTSPAN Yes, say it loud- we are in the black and we're proud

JIMMY This is terrible

OUTSPAN Don't worry Jimmy you got 100,000 from your fall in compensation

JIMMY Rapid, I can finally escape from Barrytown and buy a big house in Howth. That's one thing about Ireland, things may have changed but property will always be cheap in Ireland, right Outspan? right?


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